Now what?

I have successfully made it through my 100 day seminar. In the immediate aftermath of this I was elated, but that led into the sense that having made it through the event unscathed, I no longer believed it to be a very important achievement. Now I am left a little directionless and without an everyday focus in my academic life. The impact this assessment should have had was to give me feedback in order to improve my proposal and move forward. Instead, without this goal hanging there in the future (my next assessment isn't until June), I feel unsure of where to go from here. My personal debate over the last few days is whether or not I take this as a break. Should I just stop thinking about my PhD for a while and give my poor brain (and psyche) a rest? It feels irresponsible, but yet I am sitting in my office trying to think of something to do next and I've got nothing.

At the weekend my husband took me away to the lakes district where we ate good food, slept in a comfy bed and were generally treated like celebrities because we know the manager of the hotel. It was beautiful, peaceful, tranquil. I got sick. See, my body just can't handle relaxation! I am beginning to think stress and deadlines are the only things that keep me functional. With that said, I think my mind is made up. I am going to put on some overalls, cover my hair with a kercheif, and go do the only thing that has given me any real satisfaction in the last few weeks - strip wall paper.