For Better or for Worse

Max and I are in a fight. He isn't aware of it yet, and perhaps will never even realise we were fighting, but we are.

This is fairly common practice for me and Max. It usually goes a little something like this...He does something to anger or hurt me, I get a little quiet and cold in order to draw attention to the fact that he has hurt/angered me, he doesn't notice I'm hurt/angry which makes me even more hurt/angry, he continues on in a delightful oblivion until I get tired of giving him the cold shoulder and either: a.)explode in a fit of rage; b.)just decide to get over it as I'm tired of acting mad; c.)forget what I was angry about. Not quite sure which way this one will pan out, but it's looking like c considering he phoned me last night to tell me something interesting and I forgot to be cold and aloof. Damn it! No going back now.

Truth be told I have been mad at him since I moved out and I've just been waiting for an excuse to show it. I mean, honestly, why is he OK with being away from me each night? Shouldn't a man want to be with his wife? And for the love of God, we are too old and too married to be playing stupid relationship games like this. Max thinks living apart is a big adventure, like we can pretend we're dating again and it will be exciting. Problem being that we're going on his definition of dating. In my universe, if we were dating again I would be taken out to dinner and bought flowers, he would be calling me at all hours to tell me how much he missed me, and he would find it impossible to stop hugging and kissing me in public. That's what it was like when we were dating. Instead, he gets to have his mum cook him dinner and clean up after him, play video games and watch football all night, and call round to see me for some action when he gets bored.

If he had been like this when we were dating, I can assure you there would have been no wedding.

I have been feeling bad for being hard on Max, defending him relentlessly to my parents and friends (and even to myself), but I think I'm doing no one any favours by not being honest. I always tell myself that men and women are different, think differently and feel differently. I have used that defense over and over again when Max forgets to buy me a graduation card, doesn't notice when I'm feeling under the weather, or seems physically incapable of making the bed. But I am starting to get tired of being the one who always makes concessions. Surely if I can recognise that Max needs/wants something to be a certain way and I accept that, he can occasionally do the same. I realise that when he has had a long day at work he needs me to leave him alone for about an hour, that first thing in the morning he doesn't like to talk until he's read the news headlines on his phone and brushed his teeth. After seven years, shouldn't he know that I can't sleep when he's not around? That I feel better when we're apart if I get to talk to him on the phone for a few minutes? That when I have had a hard day, I need to talk about it? Give and take, right? I thought that's what marriage is made of.

All I need to do to know that his behaviour is not atypical is listen to one of my friends talk about her partner for more than ten minutes. I realise there are worse attributes in a life-partner and that Max is a real keeper. He makes me laugh over and over again, forgives me when I lose my temper or make stupid mistakes, and tells me all the time how lucky he thinks he is to have found me. When it comes down to it, I know he would do anything I asked of him.

Is it just too demanding to say that sometimes I would like to not have to ask?